Written by Samurai Robots.
Five weeks into Joe Biden’s presidency, you may have been as surprised as I was to come across an entirely separate vegetable-related controversy in the news. Toy company Hasbro (whose name itself reeks of patriarchy) announced that their iconic toy, Mr Potato Head, would henceforth be known simply as “Potato Head” as part of what was referred to as a “gender-neutral re-brand”. Not since former Vice President Dan Quayle misspelt “potato” as “potatoe” while attempting to help a 12-year-old student in a spelling bee has a root vegetable caused such a political hullabaloo.
For those not in the know, the original Mr. Potato Head was created in 1949 and then manufactured and distributed by Hasbro in 1952. He acquired a wife, Mrs. Potato Head, at some point and went on to appear in the Toy Story franchise (possibly receiving a higher salary than his wife). Mr. Potato Head is brown (presumably South American) and sometimes sports a luxuriant moustache, although that in itself is no indicator of gender these days, judging by the women of antifa. Rumours that Mrs. Potato Head is a feminist are not in fact true, she just happens to look like one.
Losing Our Heads
Anyway, this gender-neutral re-branding drew denunciations from certain members of right-wing Twitter, who charged the company with pandering to “wokeness”. SJWs, in turn, accused the anti-woke crowd of being bigots and seeing conspiracies where there were none. Hasbro themselves responded by saying that the Potato Heads were still very much Mr and Mrs and that it was merely the brand undergoing a revamp.
It must be said that the name Potato Head loses some of its sombre gravitas without the preceding Mr., but are the critics really correct to carry a chip on their shoulders? Or are they merely thin-skinned chauvinists who ought to take these potatoes with a pinch of salt?
For my part, I’m convinced that literally everything is part of an anti-White plot, so I’m perhaps not the best person to ask. Yet I think what irritates even normies is the Left’s petty insistence on bringing children into their civilisation-destroying culture war. Why do our children have to grow up thinking that men can become women and other such nonsense?
In the 80’s, kids grew up with toys like He-Man and Barbie, essentially manifestations of unrestrained masculinity and femininity. Barbie’s slim figure drew the ire of feminists as unattainable for most women and therefore bad for young girls’ self-image. He-Man, strangely, seemed to escape such criticism. Despite clearly being a vile steroid abuser, He-Man was actually a pretty good role-model for boys, promoting an ethos of kindness and respect, even for one’s enemies.
Netflix is currently working on two He-Man projects, which we can probably expect to be full of the usual Netflix tropes and considerably more woke than the 80’s version. Barbie is still around in 2021, but now comes in various body shapes and colours, including a wheelchair version. I can’t speak for girls, but when I was a kid, I didn’t want He-Man to be more like me, I wanted to be more like He-Man. In life, you have to move toward your goals, success requires effort on your part. You can’t simply draw a finish line by your feet and step over it.
The Left ruins everything: art, TV, toys, you name it, they fuck it up. The more we pander to them, the more insane their demands. They claim to be engaged in a noble battle for equality, but in practice this just translates into banning anything that might possibly “offend” whatever hair-trigger sub-class of angry maniac they’re fighting for this week.
What problem does making a toy gender-neutral solve? Where does it end? Today they remove the gender from the toys, tomorrow they take your identity as a human. Today they want to drug your kids and slice off their genitals, tomorrow doesn’t bear thinking about. Our elites are treating us like dumb vegetables to be mashed together and controlled as a race-less, gender-less blob, all in the name of equality and GDP. Thus, my response to those wondering “What does it matter?” is that the culture war could not be more serious.